
I 





COP\fRIGHT DEPOSIT. 



r/ s . 


i . 


. I 






>' 

X- 


‘ . -• , ^ - 
■ ,-i ^m^'i I 

- .V ■■ ^^r:- . ; 
<^ ' * 


■^:'. ■ . 


, I 

. 1 
, * * 

'•,'i .' 

.* 1 


;• ; ^- ' 




••‘.Vi 


^ \'w 


1 . 


•I'VJ 


s. 


'-J r 




r ^ 


'I M*' 



f ^ 




\f 




, /- 

: > - 


’■- •■I- ■•'■- 'V- '.: • .-•t: Sajs/'-; 


« • 






f i * . t 

i' 


' ..'K: 




v: ' 


-.M 




rv-. 






t. 


. i. p : ■ ■ 

'.i^ '■ 


, V' 


. . t , . V 






l£ 




' ,V. 

• ^ t >ifc^ '! ' . 


>* : ' V* • 


, ^• 


••4 


.M 


) . . 


,v* 

T»|i 
’ /• » 


' ' • Vt V i V'<*- ' -/W > * ’U ' • • ' 'v^; 




I ^ 


.' r. - : •• 'r •. ^•* • < ''A* ..rM* • -ri; 

^ ' •. •'/ »> Ja vV*' .*• ' ' i' '*fL^ ‘ ' -»' • ' ' ' 

-■'■■ r^'-' ....- '^ 'i ■ "^“ ■' 








THE 

DEVELOPMENT 
OF DAN 




Written by 

“THE GOOD WIFE’S HUSBAND” 



DEDICATED TO 

“AN HOUR WELL SPENT/’ 





m 19 iiji5 

Copyrighted 1915. 


©GU406360 


The Development of Dan. 



City, May, 1915. 

Mr. Daniel O'Niel, 

Dear Sir — You need not expect me, Tuesday 
night, for I have become thoroughly convinced 
that our natures are too dissimilar for us to ever 
be happy together, and its best to end it all now. 
I have tried awfully hard to find excuses for 
your actions, but your continued indifference, 
together with your coldness, has caused me to 
feel that you no longer care for me as you 
should, and I am certainly not going to force 
myself upon anyone. It serves me quite right for 
expecting aught else from one who has had no 
better bringing up, and no doubt you have found 
another who appeals more to you, so I am very 
certain my decision will not cause you any great 
sorrow. I trust you may prove more worthy 
of the other girl and spare her the pain that has 
been mine. You may answer this if you care to, 
but I can never be more than a friend after the 
manner in which you have disregarded my every 
wish. Yours in friendship, 

Mary Louise Elliott. 


5 


*‘The more a man knows about women the 
less he believes’^ 


Miss Mary Elliott^ 

My dear Miss : 

Gee! your letter handed me an awful jolt! 
Looks like its all oif with the dream I had 
planned for us two, but nothing aint never broke 
just right for me anyway so I guess Ell have to 
add another bump, only Fd kind’a thought I had. 
my share of em. There hasnt been very many 
smiles in my life honey, but when you came it 
just seemed like you kind’a let the sunshine in 
an’ brightened up all the dark corners, an I was 
gettin to think that maybe there was something 
to live for after all. You were helping me to 
face my work with a smile for it seemed like 
after I met you that every day was the beginning 
of a new life for me ! Gee ! I was trying awful 
hard to get like all the swell guys you was tellin 
me about and just when I thought you’d be notic- 
ing the change you ups and hand me a wallop 
thats made me take the count ! It’s sure 
going to be pretty tough to have to lose you, 
girlie, just seems like its going to get all dark 


again now. Taint hardly fair, though, to have 
it make so much difference bout my bringin up, 
cause you see I djdnt have nothin to say bout 
that it was just give to me, an you see I thought 
that maybe if I was a man first I could learn the 
rest after, but Tm all wrong as usual, guess I 
kind’a went out’o my class anyway in tryin to 
love a girl like you, I always was a little rough 
on manners, but, gee ! I wasnt cold, it was cause 
you seemed so far above me that I was just 
kind’a fraid to love you out loud like for fear 
you’d send me away, and now I’ve mussed it all 
up anyway! About that there friendship thing, 
I never was no hand at being satisfied with half’o 
anything and I sure couldnt stand to share my 
girl with anyone, cause to me courting is just like 
dying an you’ve got to do it for yourself, so I 
guess I’ll just bow myself out, but I’ll have to 
go right on loving you just the same, only I aint 
going to bother you none with it, see! I’ll be 
thinkin of you all the time an when I see you 
an when I pass your house I’ll be kind’a longin 
for the girl I might’a had only she was too good 
for me, an maybe some day I’ll get a chance to run 
over the other fellow! Thats great dope you 
slipped me bout that there loyalty thing ! I never 
just looked at it that way, but I guess you’re o. k. 
on it an I’m going to take your tip an keep a 


7 


tight hold on my honesty an Fm going to be 
on the square with my Boss an see if I cant get 
him to fall for me, cause it don’t matter much 
just where you start this thing of getting on in 
life, its where you land that counts! An Fm 
going to try an land on the top, I want to thank 
you, girlie, for the little time you let me spend 
in heaven an for the sunshine you brought into 
my life, but there aint never going to be no other 
girl. 

Yours in sorrow. 


Dan. 


’Timely contempt is one of woman's most 
effective weapons, and dates from the 
Garden of Eden.” 


Mr. Daniel O’Niel, 

My Dear Sir — There! I just knew that I was 
right ! My decision was a source of great relief to 
you, and now you mean thing you are trying to 
put the blame upon me! You need not try to 
make me believe you ever loved me, nor that you 
feel badly, for you are only too glad to seize 
upon my letter as an excuse to rid yourself of 
me — and now that you have broken my heart I 
presume you are satisfied. You might have 
spared me the insulting remark about there being 
another — you need not judge me by yourself! 
Seems to me if I felt so badly over losing any- 
thing, I would at least make some effort to hold 
it! But your willingness to surrender proves 
your professed sorrow to be insincere. You claim 
to have tried awfully hard to do the things I 
asked of you! Hov/ about the moustache! Mr. 
Jones has a beard and I think it makes him very 
intellectual looking; he said Abe Lincoln wore a 
beard, and he was a very great man. How about 
the manner in which you have neglected your 


0 


work for your old bowling club, and spending 
your time hanging around pool rooms ! You 
have never treated me as you should, you never 
take me anywhere like other fellows take their 
girls ! You can find time to run to ball games I 
notice, but if I wanted to go anywhere you 
couldn't get an afternoon off ! Perhaps you will 
have more time now to devote to the many girls 
you were kind enough to tell me you have on your 
rounds, don't think that I didn't know of them 
without you telling me! But if you have any 
idea it bothers me in any way you are very much 
mistaken, for there are plenty of other gentlemen 
who will be only too glad of an opportunity to 
take me around, and I don't have to force my 
company upon anyone. My friendship was 
offered merely as a matter of courtesy, but I 
realize it was a wasted effort. However, one's 
good breeding is their best security against 
another's had manners! You need not answer 
this if you don't care to, for I am sure it is quite 
immaterial to me. 

Yours, etc., 

Mary Louise Elliott. 


10 


My Little Pal : 

Well, bless your old heart, little girl, now I 
know you love me, for just the minute a girl 
starts to get bossy to a fellow its the surest sign 
in the world that she loves him ! For whats the 
sense o’ havin a fellow if you cant find fault with 
him an boss him around ! Gee ! A woman’s just 
got to be boss over somethin, but there aint no 
rabbit in me no more now honey, an you cant 
get away with that old ''Boo thing'' on me cause 
a lot’o my customers hand me the same 
line o’ scare talk an I’m getting so I don’t even 
hear ’em ! N ow bout that moustache an beard 
business, you tell Dude Jones ’at Lincoln was a 
great man in spite o’ his whiskers an not on 
account of em, and Angel face wouldnt be no 
man even if he had a beard longer than “Santa 
Claus.” Listen, honey, I cant raise no “soup 
strainer” cause the gang would kid the life out o’ 
me, and I got to bowl an go to a ball game once 
in a while, gee, you dont want me to be called a 
tight wad, do you ! Guess you’re right bout me 


11 


spendin too much time in pool rooms an that for 
I got one awful pannin this mornin for being 
late, an say the Boss shot me an armfull o’ talk 
I aint never heard before an its “little teeny 
weeny Danny ! !” for the straight an narrow from 
now on, see ! I think I’m making a hit for my- 
self by tellin him I’m the champeen pool player, 
an he says “I knew a guy one time that could 
play fifteen or no count, but he never worked 
cause he was alius too tired to get up in the 
mornin, but somehow he was the best dressed 
lad in our town, so one day we missed him an 
never saw him anymore an his poor old mother 
found a lot of letters with isinglass fronts on ’em 
an they were all from one man so she wrote her 
boy a nice long letter an all she said in it was — 
you can come home now Tommy cause your 
Tailor is dead! Guess if they named folks 
for what they know the Boss’ name would be 
Solomon, for he’s some wise guy ! Listen, 
Mary, there’s an old lady customer o’ mine that 
lives away up on the fourth floor an takes bout 
ten cents worth a week an on the level she ex- 
pects more attention than if she took a ton, but I 
always have a smile for her an what do you think 
she said to me today ! “You’re the finest young 
man I have ever seen, and it’ll be a lucky girl 
that wins you for a husband.” Guess thats bad 


12 


aint it ! ! Shows what cheerfulness gets you an 
it dont cost nothin neither, you see life is kind’a 
made up of little things like smiles an kind words 
an they pay too, for none of the other boys 
could ever get along with this old lady an I hope 
to die if she aint stuck on me ! Then I told her 
all bout my girl (bet your ears must’a been 
burnin today, weren't they?) Say I sold two 
new prospects this mornin an I'm going to try 
an make regulars out of them, guess it must have 
been your letter that did it! Well, be good 
honey I 

Yours without a struggle, 

“Happy" Dan. 


Moral — '‘You can’t never get nowhere if 
you spell Loyalty with an ‘R’, this is a 
little deep an thats why I put it down 
so far!” 


13 


^‘Studied Indifference will always awaken a 
man to his carelessness.” 


My dear Daniel : 

If I really mean so much to you, and you 
promise to try harder, I am willing to forgive 
the past, and give you an opportunity to see if 
you can prove worthy. However, I am sorry to 
learn that my wishes for your personal appear- 
ance are subject to the approval of your male 
associates, I was silly enough to believe I was 
first. Mr. Jones is studying medicine, and he 
said if it were not for his beard folks would 
not think he knew anything. If my influence is 
so great a factor in aiding you in your work, you 
might try to show some appreciation for it by 
doing something to please me. You must not be 
too sure of my love young man, for it happened 
to be my left ear that was burning yesterday, and 
now I think it was a young lady you were talking 
to instead of an old one, and I don't like the 
idea anyway, of you continually telling me of all 
the women you are talking to, seems to me you 
have very little work to do, when you can find 


14 


so much time for gossip! You don’t want me to 
even look at another fellow, but its perfectly all 
right for you to talk with every woman you meet. 
Its just as Mr. Jones said, a girl is a fool to tie 
herself down to one fellow, he said no man does, 
and he knows for he gets around a lot and sees 
just how men carry on. Of course howling and 
pool are more important than I am, in fact, to 
hear you tell it, your love for me is so great that 
I wonder how you live through the day without 
me! You must miss me terribly, don’t you? 
You are selfish enough about your own pleasures 
but you have never a thought for mine, here I 
have been fool enough to send you home early 
so you would get your proper sleep, and now I 
find that after I was willing to sacrifice my pleas- 
ures to help you to advance in your work, you 
left me and instead of going home you went to 
some pool room! You had better not imagine 
you can fool *‘Solomon,” and you need not insult- 
ingly refer to Mr. Jones as a dude, it might be 
well for some whom I know if they were his 
equal, he at least knows how to treat a lady. 
There is going to be a party next Tuesday and 
he has asked me to go with him, and I told him 
I would decide in a day or so, no doubt you 
will be busy with your howling, it seems to be 


15 


more of an attraction than I am. Its a gentle- 
man’s duty anyway to suggest going, and I am 
not going to humiliate myself by even hinting 
of a desire to be taken anywhere, if a man doesn’t 
consider me worth asking, I am sure I am not 
going to force myself upon him. 

Very truly yours, 

Mary L. Elliott. 


‘Takes a woman to know just when to put 



My Mary : 

Gee ! Mary you have me up in the air all the 
time! Can’t you never let me light nowhere at 
all! If you knew how hard I’ve been tryin since 
you took me back ! An I aint been bowlin much, 
nor nothin an never out late no more, an there 
must be a change for Solomon kind’a smiled at 
me this mornin, but it just seems like I cant do 
nothin to suit you, for no matter how hard I try 
I’m just all wrong! You know I miss you every 
minute in the day an it seems like everything I 
do I’m doing for my little Pal ! An gee its tough 
to have you hopping on me all the time! But 
we might just as well have an understanding bout 
this Jones thing right now, he's the cause of all 
our troubles, he’s not going to take you to that 
party, nor nowhere else either, see! An if he 
don’t keep his heard out of my business I’ll pull 
it out for him one hair at a time an I guess may- 
be he knows that I can do it too ! I’m olf’o that 
guy ! Fm going to take you to that party and if 
he comes near you for a dance I’ll break both of 


17 


his legs! I aint been going nowhere but home, 
after leaving you, I know its up to me to ask 
you to go places, honey, and I know you’d die 
before you’d even hint about anything an thats 
just why I love you so well Mary, cause you’re 
so different from other girls, gee, some of them 
are always hinting bout something I Say ! I’m 
kind’a getting wise to that there loyalty thing, an 
I’m going to go after some of our rival’s cus- 
tomers cause I thought I was doing my best all 
the time but after Solomon talked to me a while 
this morning he made me see it was only what I 
thought was my best, he said he knew a lad that 
worked for him one time an he was one of them 
there “Gee! Aint you satisfied!” kind, an he 
never landed no new prospects but every little 
while one of the old ones would get away on him, 
an so one day the Boss was telling him how to go 
at it to land some new ones see ! An this guy up 
an says “I aint never going to try to do nothing, 
that I aint never done before !” an Solomon says 
“Yes, I guess thats right, an if John Stanley was 
anything like you we’d still be riding in horse 
cars! You’re walkin around an talking an every- 
thing but just as soon as some undertaker aint 
too busy he’ll be around to bury you cause you’re 
a dead one!” So he just fired this bum an sure 
enough he said things began to pick up right 


18 


away ! Gosh ! If I could only remember all the 
wise cracks Solomon makes ! I was telling him 
about you an how you bawled me out bout pool 
an everything and what you told me bout that 
loyalty thing an he said “I thought something had 
happened cause a man never improves much if he 
only has hisself to copy after/’ Can you beat that 
guy ! Say ! Don’t never worry bout me flirting 
with any of the women on my rounds for I 
wouldn’t trade you for all of them Mary, honest 
if you could see what sights some of them are 
when they open the door for me you’d laugh out 
loud, from the dresses they have on I don’t 
know how the rag men ever do any business at 
all, they must have sent some awful tough look- 
ing things to them Belgians ! When we’re 
married I’m going to tell you when I think a dress 
is worn out, for some of the ones I see are awful ! 
This is one swell job for sight seeing! I’ll be 
over early tonight honey an we’ll go to a picture 
show. 

Y ours lovingly, 

Dan, “the Proud.” 


19 


’When a woman is winning in the game of 
love, her motto is — be sure you are 
right — then don’t hurry.” 


Danny Dear: 

Last night I enjoyed myself more than I have 
at any time since we have been keeping company, 
why cant you always be as nice? You looked 
fine in your new suit too, I was really proud of 
you, Dan. But don't you dare to wear it on 
your rounds, for I'd be afraid some of your girls 
might steal you from me, but if you find one 
whom you think you would like any better, don't 
let me stop you. All day long I have been trying 
to figure out why you were so nice last night. 
Have you been doing anything that you were 
afraid I might hear about? Seems strange that 
you could change so in a night. Mr. Jones says 
men only bowl in the winter, and maybe if I 
were to inquire around I might find you have 
something other than a bowling club taking up 
your time. It wouldn't surprise me a bit for no 
man can be trusted, yet we girls are silly enough 
to believe everything you tell us, but you neednt 
think that I am one of those softies, no man is 
ever going to make a fool of me. Only today a 


20 


girl friend was telling me what an awful flirt 
the man on her route was, she said they are all 
alike, smiling at every woman they meet and 
trying to flirt with them, she said no man can be 
trusted, and we girls ought to smile at the men 
too, and not be prudes. I just told her that 
nothing of that sort would ever bother me for I 
would like to see the man I would be jealous 
over. Mr. Jones said it was a shame the way 
I am tied in the house and he asked me if I had 
made up my mind about the dance, and I told 
him, not definitely, but I am going just the same, 
I’m sick and tired of staying home. 

Lovingly yours, 

Mary. 


21 


‘Bout the only thing thats easy to figure 
out as a woman is a Chinese Laundry 
Ticket.” 


Mary Mine : 

Now you’ve got me guessing again! First, 
you tell me how nice I was, and in the next line 
you’re bawling me out again, an, gee, I don’t 
know where I’m at! Didnt I tell you I aint 
hardly bowling nor nothing ! But before getting 
any further, listen, Mary! Fm all cured of this 
Jones thing an the next time he mentions my 
name he’s going to have a run of some bad luck 
thats going to be awful, I wouldn’t never say 
nothing bout a poor guy thats crosseyed cause he 
cant help that, see ! But when I find one of them 
buttin in ginks thats raised a set of whiskers that 
makes him look like a pet ape thats his own 
fault, an you can tell him he aint never going to 
deceive me with them, an his mother ought to put 
up some rings so he could swing back and forth 
like the ones do at the Zoo ! I wasn’t born with 
no silver spoon in my mouth nor any other kind 
either, but they aint nobody has to buy me any- 
thing to put in mine — I guess the long haired 


22 


boy can force that in through his dome — 
You’ve always been kind’a strong for polish 
Mary an Jones is there with it an I aint, but I’m 
there forty ways with hustle an thats what they 
pay off to in this world ! Maybe if this “bearded 
lady” had to roust out of the hay at three A. M. 
like yours truly some of that polish might wear 
off, I’d like to get a peek at “mama’s boy” going 
up four flights with a hundred pounds on his 
back, he’d need his mother, a couple of doc- 
tors, seven or eight nurses an a pull-motor all on 
the first floor, cause he never would get no high- 
er, I’m off o’ him ! It’s all settled about the dance 
anyway, I’m going to take you aint I! Gee! 
How many times do I have to tell you! The 
other night I tried to be as nice as I could and 
now you’re suspicious of me ! Thats some more 
of Jones’ work. I’ll poison that pup! There 
aint nothing to it Mary, I got to chloroform this 
pest and destroy him before I’ll ever have any 
peace of mind! You say you cant see how I 
could change so in a night. There wasnt any 
change honey, its just the way I wanted to act 
all the time only you always seemed to be too big 
like to be my girl an I was afraid to act natural 
like for fear I’d lose you, thats all there is to that 
and as usual I’m all wrong again! Gee! If I 


23 


made half as many hulls in my work as I make 
with you rd a had forty jobs by now! Seems 
funny how I can please all kinds of people on my 
rounds every day an hardly two of them alike 
and I cant do nothing to please you, wonder 
whats wrong with me? 

Lovingly yours, 

'‘Perplexed'' Dan. 


24 



My Danny Boy : 

You big silly! I would’nt have you any differ- 
ent for all the world, and now that you have been 
so wonderfully patient, and so willing to forgive 
all my tirades — I have a secret to tell you! All 
my “bawling out,” as you term it, has been be- 
cause I wanted you to succeed and advance in 
your work, I have “weeded your garden” for you, 
and now I am certain you are going ahead. I 
care nothing for Mr. Jones, in the manner you 
have in mind, it was just to tease you, and if you 
had a moustache — Fd pull it out myself! You 
are wrong in thinking I am “strong for polish,” 
for it would only spoil that something in my 
Laddie that causes everyone to love him; you 
were blessed with a sunny disposition that dif- 
fuses pleasure round about you, and that is 
worth more than all the so-called polish in the 
world. Do you know, Danny dear, there is an 
old saying that just fits you! “Blessed are the 
happiness makers.” The dear little old lady was 
right when she said, “it would be a lucky girl 


25 


that won you for a husband/' Go right along 
through life trying to win trade and advance- 
ment just as you have won me and success is 
bound to crown your efforts. There was no 
change in you the other night, it was just that 
you were growing surer and overcoming the 
timidity that is quite natural in one with your 
nature; and it was this fine respect you showed 
for a woman's softness that made me love you 
from the very first. There! Ifs out now ! — 
This then is my answer to your question, “what's 
wrong with me !" — I love you ! — ^And don't you 
dare to change either young man I 

Forever yours, 

Your Mary. 


"Gee! It must be tough to be a woman, an 
to be always wantin somethin you cant 
get or to be gettin somethin you Dont 
tv ant r 


My Honey Girl : 

God love you, Mary, mine! Your letter today 
was your own dear self, it was just chock full of 
gladness an I’ll bet I must have read it forty 
times. “What did you do with the hammer!'' 
Gee! Its good to have you, honey! You know 
your letter seemed to have something in it like — 
that — gosh I don’t know just how to say it — only 
it brought back all the old smiles an a whole lot 
of fresh new ones too, all day yesterday I was 
sending you little love messages by wireless and 
looks like some of them must have reached you, 
eh! Listen, Mary, keep the soft pedal on, will 
you ! Don’t never hand me no more wallops like 
you’ve been doing, cause if I lose you I might 
just as well hunt up a new job, for do you know 
the day I got your last letter was the first time I 
ever had any trouble with my customers! Yes 
an I had four arguments that day cause I was 
worrying over losing you, an this won’t do, for 
I have all kinds of people to handle, I bust into 
one house ar find a Minister and maybe the next 


27 


one is a liquor dealer, an say, handling one of 
them there Wet and Dry campaigns is a love 
feast compared to my job! Can you imagine a 
bunch of cranky women and most of them daring 
you to please them and all the time they’re bet- 
ting you wont! But I’m supposed to keep smil- 
ing all the time so you see you mean a whole lot 
to me girlie. I know its kind’a tough on you not 
to get out more but now that I know you’re for 
me and want me to succeed there aint nothing 
going to stop me. Theres ‘a top to every hill ! 
an I’m going all the way up for they aint nothing 
I couldn’t do with a little Pal like you pullin for 
me! ! You sure had me going bout Jones an its 
some load off my mind to know you was just 
kiddin me, for I heard today there was a fore- 
man job open an I’m going in strong for it an if 
I land it I’m going to have a long talk with you 
bout something you’d almost scared out of me, 
but I feel my strength ’a comin back now ! Golly ! 
tonights the party an maybe it aint going to be 
some night for me ! I’ll show you how a regular 
fellow ought to treat his girl! Feel just like if 
I’m walkin on air so don’t pull me down again, 
be ready early, Mary. Well be good honey ! 

Yours every bit of me, 

Dan, “Going Up.” 


28 


‘Feigned jealousy is the most effective of 
woman’s many weapons, and ever 
appeals to man’s pride.” 


Mr. Daniel O’Niel, 

Dear Sir : 

You were going to show me how a regular fel- 
low should treat his girl! No doubt today you 
are gloating over the shameful manner in which 
you humiliated me at the party before all my 
friends I You are “Captain Innocence’' you 
never flirt with anyone! Oh dear no! But I 
have found you out now you Mormon! How 
are you going to explain the fact that those three 
women were such evident dear friends, and yet 
you had the effrontery to claim you didn’t even 
know them! Can it be possible that your lady 
friends are so numerous you find it difficult to 
keep track of them! You need not insult my 
intelligence by claiming not to know them, for 
they assumed an attitude of authoritative claim 
upon your attentions such as no lady would pre- 
sume upon other than a very old and dear 
acquaintance. Perhaps, through lack of better 
breeding, you thought it the proper way in which 

29 


to show your hold upon me ! You have made a 
very sad mistake young man, for I have fully 
made up my mind to never speak to you again, 
and you need never write me, unless you can 
offer a satisfactory explanation of your shameful 
conduct of last night. 

Yours etc., 

Mary L. Elliott. 


80 


‘A thing of beauty is a joy forever, hut this 
dont go if its some Other Beauty an 
your Girl is with you!*’ 



My Lady Mary : 

Your letter today handed me the biggest laugh 
IVe had in a long time, an on the level if it had 
been any longer I’d a laughed myself to death! 
Didn’t I tell you bout that “Boo” thing! Cant 
fool me anymore little one, but the “million dollar 
mystery” is all cleared up for I’ve found out who 
the three lady friends were, can you guess ! Three 
of my customers ! On the level Mary I thought 
they were trying to kid me, and only they were 
just as indignant as you are and looking for an 
demanding an apology for the awful way I 
treated them, I wouldnt have known I’d ever seen 
them anywhere but in their kitchens. You see 
what fooled me was they looked so much better 
at the party, they had corsets on and a lot more 
hair on their heads and nice swell dresses — but 
here at the back door! — Well I dont want to say 
nothin only it aint no mystery to me no more why 
SO many married men are around huntin up 
affinities — what ever they are. The only thing 


31 


that saved me was making out you was terrible 
jealous, but the truth was I didnt know Fd ever 
seen them before in my life ! Wow ! That was 
a close one ! Looked like I’d lost three swell cus- 
tomers, but I managed to kiss my way out so well 
that at the wind-up they was all sympathizing 
with me ! Showed Solomon your letter today to 
let him see how jealous you were of me an he 
read it an kind’a smiled an took a good look at 
me an says “I knew a man one time that had a 
face like a walrus an his wife thought every 
woman in town was tryin to flirt with him, she 
thought they was all jealous of her, but they was 
only sorry.” I dont know just what he meant 
but somehow I felt kind’a glad I didnt show him 
your picture for if he saw what a swell looker 
you are the chances are he’d a died laughing. Gee 
Mary you were a dream at the party and I was 
burning up every time another fellow danced with 
you and there was a mob of them hangin round 
you all night, its a wonder some of them guys 
wouldnt bring a girl of their own! Gee thats a 
fine gag to stag it and butt in on some other fel- 
low’s girl 1 Looks like I’m going to land the fore- 
mans job, I got twelve new prospects from my 
old customers boosting for me an I guess Solo- 
mon knows who the live wires are for he gets 


32 


round an finds out things for himself. Can you 
imagine me with twenty-five more a month ! Say 
do you think we ought to have a hired girl ! We 
can afford one for I aint going to stop at foreman 
I’m going right on up and I’m going to make the 
little Pal that “weeded my garden” for me and 
held the ladder, the happiest girl in the world. So 
put away the hammer honey cause tonight I’m 
going to put the big question to you and I’ve got 
an awful winning streak on lately ! 

Yours in real joy, 

Dan “The Foreman.” 


33 


'A woman loves to Fight the man who is 
trying to win her simply because she 
fears he will Stop Trying before he 
Succeeds r 


Mr. Daniel O’Niel, 

Dear Sir: 

You need not imagine that because you are 
boss over a lot of men now that you have been 
promoted, that you are going to boss me too ! Its 
di woman's place to run a home, she is the one 
who is in it most, and I’m going to be the one 
to decide whether or not we have a hired girl — 
anyway young man you need not be so sure of 
everything you havent got me as yet, and I can 
readily see now how you are going to turn out 
too! You were nice enough while you were 
coaxing and begging me to say yes, and the 
moment I was fool enough to say it you began 
to tell me what you were going to have in your 
house when you were married! I suppose it 
wont be my house, maybe Fm to be the hired 
girl! Mother always said I was too easy 
going and too willing to allow everyone to 
walk over me, but I have always had an abhor- 
rence for quarrelling and now you are trying to 
take advantage of my disposition to lord it over 


34 


me! Well you are not going to succeed young 
man for I have been awakened in time, and thank 
heaven I have learned what a domineering brute 
you are before our engagement was made public, 
I shall at least be spared this humiliation. You 
have had your own way too much and there must 
be an understanding that / am to have something 
to say in planning our future before I will con- 
sent to have our engagement announced other- 
wise my ‘"yes” is withdrawn. 

Your heart-broken, 

Mary. 


35 


Whoever the guy was that put the ^‘Fair‘ 
in Fair Sex I’ll bet he died a Bachelor! 


Mary Mine: 

Help! Help! for the love*o Mike listen! I 
dont want to be boss over you nor nothing ! Gee 
honey you can have full charge of me an the 
house an everything else! Looks like theres an 
awful diiference in knowing a girl an understand- 
ing her — seems as though the minute a woman 
finds out she can have what she wants she ups 
an changes her mind! Lord I only suggested 
those things the other night to show there wasnt 
anything too good for a girl ’o mine, and I think 
Lm going to hit one clear over the center field 
wall an Lm a son of a gun if I dont bust my bat 
again! Looks like I"m going to have an awful 
tough looking batting average for I aint never 
got to first base with you yet! Anyway honey 
I’ve got job enough handling my men and I can 
see right now if they was women the whole 
German Army couldn’t handle them ! Had 
a “riot call” from one of my patients today and 
she was in an awful nervous state over the way 
one of my men had treated her, and gee I was 


36 


kind’a scared like for a while, but what do you 
think was the trouble! The dear soul had just 
finished massaging her kitchen floor and she said 
she didnt want it all tracked up an asked the man 
to come back in an hour and “the brute in- 

sulted her” — so I waited bout half an hour, cause 
you see I didnt want to interrupt her, an then I 
up an asked her quick like (you got to be quick 
with them women or you’re dead) “W’at ’d he 
say to ye!” It kind’a took her by surprise an 
she said “He had the impudence to say he’d be 
back tomorrow” (she lives on the third floor too) 
Gosh ! Aint it awfull the way help will act 
at times ! Hope to die if it dont take her a hull 
hour to tell me this and while she was tearing in 
I just says to myself “when her an hubby were 
made one there didnt nobody ever get cockeyed 
tryin to find which one, an if her worst half is 
deaf you can bet he dont think its any horrible 
affliction” She’s one of them women that would 
rather be blind than have an impediment in her 
speech. So you see Mary I’ve got my troubles 
an I aint looking to take on no more either, you 
can be boss of the ranch for all I want is peace 
of mind not a piece of it, get me ! Lord I’ll put 
on a dress an help round myself rather than 
quarrel over anything, for I’m the original dove 
of peace right from the Hague Palace, and you 


37 


better handle me careful cause one of the Supfs. 
aint making good and I had a compliment from 
the King today, he said complaints from 
customers on my territory were growin fewer 
every day, and they’re soon going to be nothing, 
for I’m telling the women (we seldom hear from 
the men) to make their kicks to me see! They 
think I’m taking some personal interest in them 
and they fall for it, that old personal gag is great 
stuff, but I have my boys so they give our 
customers politeness, promptness, and honesty so 
you see they dont any of them have any real com- 
plaints they’re all imaginary. Say I why dont you 
take a good look at yours Mary I Anyway its all 
settled you’re to be boss of the ranch so “take 
back them crool words !” 

Yours forever’n ever’n ever, 

Dan, the “Boss.” 


88 


‘Even when a man wins with a zvoman he 
loses, for her very surrender contains 
a demand!” 



My Danny Dear: 

Your ‘‘peace” of mind is assured for the 
future, and “dear boy” you have well earned it, 
and I have completely exhausted my supply of 
“hammers.” But it might be well young man to 
not be too harsh in your fault-finding among the 
women, we are not all of us “shrews,” your 
recital of the troubles of the lady who was so 
grossly insulted was a real gem of satire, and you 
are showing rare genius in your method of 
handling complaints, for I must confess that after 
“taking a good look at mine” they were just as 
you claimed. We wont have any “boss” in our 
house Dan, we can both talk things over for I am 
quite certain that in the end you will agree with 
my way of thinking so why need we make our 
lives miserable by quarrelling? I am not going 
to be selfish enough to want my own way in 
everything, but I dont think I could stand to be 
crossed much. Are you going to give up your 
bowling club? You surely dont imagine that 
I am going to sit home alone ! If you do you are 


much mistaken, I have had my fill of that “home 
alone,” now you see you have me all upset again ! 
I just know ril be a nervous wreck trying to 
make a man out of you, and you must promise 
to have more regard for my wishes, for I too 
require peace of mind. Perhaps I am too exact- 
ing of you Dan, but it is only because I love 
you so much and want you to be the best husband 
in all the world, and I just know you are going 
to be too, and I am not even going to keep a tack 
hammer around our house, for I know I shall 
never need one, and I take hack “them crool 
words.” 

Lovingly yours, 

Mary. 


40 


‘Gee I Vm glad now I didn’t die the first 
time you killed me!” 


My Queen Mary : 

Gosh ! I’m breathing easier today than I have 
for a long time, and the King is always smiling 
at me now an we get along great, you see at first 
he didnt hardly know just how to take me, but 
now ! — Say ! Mary, listen ! If we was like women 
we’d be kissing every time we met — only it would 
be on the square with us; — (I guess you dont need 
no chart with that one) — You see he’s been 
through this here marrying thing an I was getting 
jerry to a lot of stuff, he said love was blind be- 
fore marriage but after — nothing to it then, he 
said afterwards it could see the finish of the 
European War! When I told him all the insidte 
stuff bout what I’d been through he laughed an 
said “JOB didnt have nothing on you I” Anyway 
honey theres bound to be a boss in our house even 
if we dont want one, an I got her all picked out, 
but I aint going to tip her off to you yet, you see, 
girlie mine, we can save an awful lot of time by 
not wasting it talking over the way you are going 
to insist on having things, for you’ll win anyway 


41 


and if we just cut out the talk-fest it will keep me 
from getting that “slamming the door habit” see ! 
Dont flare up at this now for I aint trying to be 
sarcastic nor nothing, only Fve seen an awful lot 
of human nature on my rounds and its kind'a 
made a philosopher out of me thats all ! We aint 
never going to have no arguments cause it always 
takes two for to have one and I aint going to hutt 
in, see ! Dont get an idea in your pretty little head 
that I’m soft nor nothing like that, for I’m a pretty 
tough guy I am, only I know we all get a little 
grouch on once in a while and it never amounts to 
nothing if the others keep their noses out of it! 
Its the “butting in” that causes all the trouble, an 
about every battle can be blamed on the guy thats 
always resenting something — seems like he almost 
framed up for it! Two of my men was going to 
destroy each other today and I told them there 
wasnt nothing to that fight gag unless they both 
had tights on and folks paid to get in, it was the 
same old thing too — misunderstanding — I told 
them they were just like little boys and that they 
should put their short pants on again an not be 
going round deceiving folks trying to make out 
they were men, and it stopped what might have 
been a lot of trouble for me — guess maybe I aint 
been stealing some of Solomon's stuff! Did I tell 
you he wants to see me at his office tomorrow? 


42 


I know, from the way things have been going, it 
aint to bawl me out, for thats one awful nice thing 
bout him he dont have you bother going way 
down to the office for a panning — he just hands 
it to you right on the job so’s you’ll know what 
its for! The company’s been growing lately an 
you cant never tell, so start holding your breath 
honey, I think I’m going up! 

With all the love thats in me, 

“Climbing” Dan. 


43 


^The supreme state of happiness is the con- 
viction that we are loved.^’ 


My Climbing Boy : 

Do you know Fm so happy today I dont know 
whether to laugh or cry! It just seems like a 
dream, tlie wonderful way you have “climbed 
your hill,^^ and my big brave lad did get to the top, 
you dont know how proud I am of you, and its so 
good to have you unaffected by your rapid rise, 
for it proves you to be a great big sensible chap 
and I am not afraid that any praise will affect 
you. You are not only a philosopher, boy of mine, 
you are a real man, full of strength and courage, a 
nature full of that tenderness that appeals so to a 
woman, and you have been blessed with God’s 
best gift, that of making friends; our love will 
never grow old, Danny boy, it will keep 
us young, and we are going to be sweet- 
hearts forever and a day. I just love you 
to death, and remember young man you 
promised to eat anything I cooked! That will be 
the real test of your bravery, now I must hurry 


44 


to the dress-makers and stand all afternoon, you 
ought to be thankful you dont have to wear 
dresses, honestly, at times I almost wish that we 
girls could wear — well I must be going now, so 
bye bye “Climbing’* Dan. 

With all my love, 

Mary “Content.” 


45 


'Give to the world the best you have and 
the best will come to you.’* 


My Dear Boy: 

I have a little advice that will serve you 
well in life, and I trust you will take it in 
the same friendly spirit it is given in, bearing 
in mind — “He who will not heed counsel, cannot 
be helped !” Perhaps you wonder at my interest 
in you ! Many years ago, when I was but a girl, 
I married and our union was a happy one — then 
the good Lord in His mercy blessed us with a 
son — a little blue eyed, fair haired Angel, and our 
cup of joy was full — as I watched him grow I 
dreamed of the future — ^and if the Lord had 
spared him to me I would have longed him to be 
just such a big, strong, honest, manly lad as you 
are — thats why I feel it my duty to counsel you 
as I would my own son. In your cheery loveable 
character you have been left a legacy that cannot 
be measured in money, for yours is the wealth 
that brings with it that which all the world’s 
riches cannot buy — content — the only true happi- 
ness in life! You are ambitious, a healthy sign 
in itself, and you have the world before you with 


46 


success or failure awaiting your choice ! Don’t 
be led astray by the mistaken idea that “The 
world owes you a living/^ for while it is well to 
hope, its far better to deserve, just keep ever in 
mind that '‘Diligence is the Mother of good luck 
— and God giveth all things to industry !” Remem- 
ber that you will get from this life exactly in 
accord with what you put into it — no more — no 
less — and if you would one day command, you 
must first learn to serve, so when an opportunity 
comes serve it well and rest assured your reward 
will be to the full ! Too many young men of 
today think that “To serve well is not manly ” — 
They deem it quite smart to get without giving — 
they, in their ignorance, mistake egotism and 
false pride for wisdom — whereas the wise man is 
humble of spirit. This is a day of specialists, and 
to succeed, a man must be efficent — and that 
means he must know his business thoroughly, 
make honesty your watchword — ^be honest with 
yourself and honest to your employer, dont blind 
yourself into thinking you can fool your Boss or 
you will find when too late you have fooled none 
but yourself! Be manly and stand on your own 
legs — ask nothing without giving — for “A 
plough-man on his legs, is higher than a King 
on his knees!” Make efficiency your goal, and 
remember that the way to be ready for advance- 


47 


ment is to prepare for it — and the way to merit it 
is by keeping in mind “The man who does the 
little things well, is prepared to do the hig things 
better r Drive your work — dont let your work 
drive you — for many an ambition has been dis- 
couraged, and many a career has been ruined by 
seeking the hig without knowledge of the small 
things in business — in other words, dont aspire 
to be a Teacher in your work until you have 
thoroughly learned the Alphabet of it ! Dont idle 
your time my boy for time is the thing we call 
life! Learn to love your work and you will find 
joy in doing it well — be ambitious — ^but hack it up 
with all the energy you have in you, and success 
and advancement will find you, for big business 
is ever crying out for efficiency and loyalty! May 
God bless and keep you my dear boy, is the 
wish of 

“The little old lady on the fourth floor/' 


48 


‘Sant Claus aint got nothin on you 
Mary!** 



My Best Pal : 

Where do you think I was today ! Visiting the 
“Little old lady on the fourth floor !” Pm sending 
you a letter I got from her today, we had a great 
old chat an when I showed her your letter she 
kind’a filled up like an said “be good to her boy \” 
Gee! She’s the sweetest old lady — I’ll bet my 
Mother was like her — only I dont never remem- 
ber seeing her. She made me promise to have 
you call on her, you’ll love her Mary cause she’s 
just as tickled over all my good luck as you an 
me are. Guess I must have showed your picture 
to most everyone- in town and a lot of fresh guys 
wanted to know how a homely geek like me ever 
grabbed off such a swell looker — I wanted to bust 
some of them but I thought I wouldnt — I said it 
was my winning ways, Solomon looked at it and 
said “You must have blind-folded her!” You’re 
kind’a there with .the sweet oil yourself for you 
made me almost blush with all the nice things you 
said in your letter, wish I had your line of talk 
so I could tell you bout all the different kind of 


49 


ways I love you honey ! Golly I It seems like — 
that I — ^taint no use Fd get all bawled up if I 
tried to tell it — ^but you got it all in your letter 
bout how we’re alius going to be sweet hearts — 
an you can bet your life we aint never going to 
get old! But listen Mary! Heres one, if I can 
explain it just right — ^bout how I think a man 
should ought to love a woman — you see I alius 
get a lot of fun out of doing little things an giving 
things to folks I like see! An so I’m just going 
to go on loving my little Pal new every day, and 
I’ll tell you how I know thats the right way — 
you see honey we’re alius kids, only of course we 
get taller an fatter an everything but we dont 
never change none inside — cause no matter how 
tall or fat we get the same things make us glad 
an the same things make us sad see ! Just like if 
I was to come home every night for a time and 
always have some little surprise for you and said 
something nice like to you, you’d kind’a grow to 
like it and to look for it wouldnt you ! An you’d 
like me just bcause I kept you in mind wouldnt 
you ! Well then suppose’n I’d stop bringing things 
home an I’d forget to say any nice things an 
wouldnt think to even kiss you till you reminded 
me of it ! Do you think it wouldnt break you all 
up ! You’d miss them wouldnt you ! So you see 
we’re just kids only we’re grozm up thats all, an 


50 


thats why I aint never going to stop loving you 
new every day, an you can bet your life you aint 
never going to have to say “Didnt you forget 
something Dan?’’ cause I aint never going to 
forget — and God love you Mary mine — when I 
die I just want to die eating something you 
cooked! 

Loving you more every minute, 

Dan, ''the Winner/’ 


51 


We have brought the Man out in Danny 
and Solomon and I are content!’* 


My Dearest Danny : 

You are truly “a boy that never grew up in- 
side/* and because your heart is ever young you 
will never grow old, your description of how a 
man should love a woman is so full of tenderness 
and shows such understanding that I feel almost 
unworthy of you — but Danny mine, you seem to 
grow on me so, that I am certain your homely 
philosophy will soon “make me over” into a “Pal** 
worthy a love so great and honest. Your every 
thought seems to be for the happiness of others, 
and your one great pleasure must needs be the 
joy of giving! Your reasoning is quite remark- 
able, for what every woman craves most, and 
what none can resist, is to be secure in the knowl- 
edge that she is “ever in the thoughts” of the 
man she loves, a woman fairly lives on the little 
thoughts given her by him — and so too does 
she sorrow over the loss of them. For a woman 
to be truly happy her husband must never cease 
to be her lover — he must never grow careless in 
his little attentions towards her — you see, Danny 


52 


boy, a woman gives so much more than a man, 
and her love is much greater — therefore the 
greater the love — the greater too the sorrow! But 
with my Laddie loving me in his “little new way” 
each day through life — if he is never going to 
forget — then ours shall be one long joyous court- 
ship of true lovers — and sorrow will never enter. 
So then today I am supremely happy and con- 
tent — happy in having the love of my big manly 
Dan — and content in the joy of loving him in 
return. My heart is so full of happiness that T 
scarce find words to express it. That was a 
beautiful letter the dear little old lady wrote you, 
and it will be a pleasure to visit her, and I am in 
love with her already because she loves my Danny 
boy, and I think I am going to like Solomon too, 
for all he has done for you, and I am sure 
he must be secretly proud of the man he has 
developed in you, for none of us like to guess 
wrong! Now I’m away to the dressmakers to 
“stand up” again, I am thinking of my lover 
every minute of the day and continually sending 
him little mental blessings and “love thoughts by 
wireless” — see now how you are growing on me ! 
I’m longing for “your line’o talk !” 

With all my love, 

Mary “Content.” 


53 


‘Its all been said an done now Mary, an Vm 
so glad — gee! — I cant think ’o nothin 


Girl of Mine : 

Gee! You*re some girl Mary! An its all right 
for you to like Solomon for Fm kind’a stuck on 
him myself like I told you the other day, an I 
want you to love “our little old lady” too — but I 
guess thaFll be bout as far as you need go — 
cause you’re a good hearted little terror and I 
dont want you to be no regular “out-door-relief” 
with that loving thing, see! Cause Fll tell you 
why, I got an awful surprise for you for tomor- 
row, gee Fve been biting my lips for a week try- 
ing to keep it! Tomorrow a crowd of our boys is 
going to have a little picnic see! An you see 
there’ll be a lot of awful nice looking fellows out 
there — an I aint jealous nor nothin cause I know 
you’re for me hook, line an sinker, see ! Only 
it aint going to make me die laughing to have any 
of them think that maybe you’re sorry you didnt 
get a peep at some of them before you fell for 
me! So just kind’a keep from letting them get 
anything on me, will you Mary! Please! Course 


54 


they maybe dont mean nothing by their kiddin — 
but Lord ! IVe had an awful time with them guys ! 
I’ll bet that there champeen that Solomon was 
telling me bout — that there Job — I’ll bet if he 
was ever engaged to a girl he never was rummy 
enough to go an tell a lot of guys about it — or 
he’d a lost that there champ eenship the first day ! 
Gotanother surprise for you honey ! I’m getting to 
be a regular grab hag aint I ! But this one is going 
to knock you dead ! Been watching myself pretty 
close lately an now I’m all set to tip it off to you — 
I’ve cut out that there slang talk! Gee ! I’m feel- 
ing like a colt today, for this morning I was 
telling the Boss bout me cutting it, see ! An I 
says dont you think I’m improving? An you 
ought to heard him laugh (guess he was tickled) 
an he says “Yes your better than ever at it !” An 
thats some compliment, for he’s a pretty wise 
gink, an he dont kid bout nothin like that only 
I guess maybe he spread the hair oil a little at 
that. Gosh ! I ought to save this one for 
tomorrow, but I’ll have to spring it on you now 
or bust! I’m to have two hull weeks to marry 
and settle down, an when I return I’m Divi- 
sion Supt. an have a buzz wagon I Lord I 
Mary I’m faintin! Thats why Sol was so glad 
bout me getting off that hick talk, cause you see 


55 


now ril be at meetings an I guess it would be 
kind’a raw for me to be pulling a line of fly gab 
that they wouldnt get jerry to at all! Be sure 
an get all dolled up in your glad rags, an yours 
truly will be there with a swell front an when 
they get a flash at us tomorrow, believe me, they’ll 
think the sun is in their eyes I 

Yours, champing at the bit, 

*^SuPT.” Dan. 

P. S. — I’m fraid to stop saying ''aint” and 
“taint” and “Gee” for fear you would think it 
wasn’t me writing to you. 


56 


‘What do we live for, if it is not to make 
life less difficult for others?” 


Danny Mine: 

Don-t be fearful about your slang, Danny 
dear, for it is modern and readily under- 
stood, even though not grammatical, and I 
know enough of the dead languages for 
us both ; you possess a natural wit and 
a personality, which together with your clever- 
ness, is bound to bring you success, and I am con- 
fident you can suit your language to whatever 
occasion necessity requires. Our dear little old 
lady will be proud of the efficiency her boy has 
developed, for your logical reasoning shows a 
thorough knowledge of your business and con- 
tains deep scientific thought. Today I was given 
an opportunity to make use of your argument; 
the lady next door asked me to take ice from 
the man who was delivering to her, she said 
the big company had enough cutomers and 
it would be awfully nice of me to help this 
man because he had a wife and child to support. 
So I proceeded to disabuse her mind of many 
wrong ideas; I said, we live in large cities in 


57 


order that we may enjoy to the full the benefits of 
modern advancements, and to avoid the drudgery 
and inconvenience of country or isolated places. 
It is an absolute necessity for a large organiza- 
tion to specialize in ice, and to devote their 
time, energy, brains and money during all the 
twelve months in the year, so that all the people — 
not a few — may be assured of ice not only during 
the hot summer months, but to maintain an 
organization so that we may all have ice when we 
want it as well as when we need it! You say 
the man who delivers to you has his own 
wagon? Then he is not so poor nor is he as 
worthy of my patronage as the man who 
works for the Company. My man has a 
wife and two children and his success depends 
entirely upon his holding his customers on 
this one street, while your man can go where 
he pleases— if the people on this street don’t take 
from him he can move over to the next, but 
my man must depend for success upon keep- 
ing his trade in his given territory. The money I 
pay for ice goes to help the many girls and men 
who are gaining a livelihood through the efforts 
of this concern, whereas you are helping only 
one; our sympathies rightly belong to the men 
who devote their time specializing for all — not to 
the lone individual who seems to imagine that 


58 


you are obligated to see that he becomes a mer- 
chant for the few! Too many people, without 
any thought, imagine that every dollar they pay 
for ice goes to some rich man to idle his time 
away at Palm Beach in the winter and the 
mountains in the summer. A little scientific 
thought would prove to us all that co-operation 
is absolutely necessary between the public and the 
men who specialize for the comfort of them all !" 
She said, ‘T never gave the matter any thought — 
but now I realize that what I have been giving 
to my man has been taken from your's, and while 
my small purchases would not be missed by the 
big men in the Company, I forgot the injury to 
the driver — I can now see the necessity of a big 
concern, and that my money will be distributed 
among more people through them, and you can 
tell your man to call on me tomorrow.'' Don't you 
think I am competent to enter Solomon’s employ 
as “A scientific thought developer!” You have 
my curiosity aroused Danny, and I want you to 
tell me just what the actual conditions would be 
if we had a thousand individual ice dealers in 
place of a large organization. You see I love 
to know things — because I love to talk! 

Lovingly yours, 

Mary. 


59 


“The man who invented money was a 
genius, but the lad who doped out co- 
operation was no slouch” 


My Wonder Girl: 

Gee! I must be growing on you Mary! Or 
else you had a dictograph with you when I was 
talking to you the other night. When I showed 
your letter to Solomon he said: “Well Fm glad 
you’ve won her, cause I’d hate to lose such a wise 
head, and now the company will get the benefit 
of her wisdom through you.” Gosh ! That letter 
of yours has kind’a scared me a little — ^you see I 
know what would happen all right, if we had a 
thousand dealers instead of a big company, only 
after reading that swell letter of yours I’m a little 
ashamed to try to answer it — cause I aint got the 
way of handing the talk out that you have — ^but 
here goes anyway — You see in the first place they 
wouldnt be ice enough for one month — let alone 
tzvelve! Cause where would they get it ! And if 
they knew where it was how would they get it! 
It takes lots and lots of money to buy machinery 
to make ice, an it takes lots of it to send men up 
north in the winter to cut it, and to build houses 
to store it in till the hot spell comes when all the 


60 


machinery cant make it fast enough for the people 
to use ; and it takes lots of money to build storage 
houses in different parts of the city so’s the 
wagons can load quickly, cause people want ice 
when they need it — not just when some driver 
can get it! Cant you see where the people would 
be at if it wasnt for the great big clock-working 
organization that never fails to have the ice at 
your door! The reason they never fail is cause 
they’ve been busy all winter long — when most 
folks forget about ice — cutting it and storing it, 
ready for the comfort of all the people! And you 
never want to give them no thanks for doing this 
for you — instead of sympathizing with them 
you’re kidding yourself into feeling you ought to 
help the lone driver that’s only taking care of a 
few — while the company is ready to care for all! 
Spose these thousand drivers could get together 
and could raise all the money needed to pay for 
the things it takes to do a business big enough 
for this city — and could find men big enough to 
build up and keep running an organization of this 
size — what would they be? Dont you see that 
they would be just exactly what each one is 
yelling about! They would be just what we are 
— for we are a thousand dealers — only we have 
what it needs to handle such a big thing — organi- 
zation! You see Mary, we got to have business 




develop and keep pace with the age of progress 
we’re living in, we’d be in fine shape here in this 
big growing city if we went back to the old fash- 
ioned method of individual service! Sposin we 
didnt have no men big enough, and brainy 
enough and nervy enough to risk their money 
organizing big companies to do things in a big 
way! Where and how would people get enough 
coal, or gas, or electric lights, and the things we 
eat and wear ? Sposin no company built big boats 
so we can enjoy lake rides — do you think people 
would be satisfied to have a thousand guys with a 
row-boat apiece to row them over to Put-in-Bay 
two at a time! 

How would it be if all the folks in town were 
waiting for the cobblers to make them each 
a pair of shoes ! You cant get away from it Mary, 
when it comes to anything that means the com- 
fort, convenience and happiness of all the people, 
we must have men to specialize in that article — 
and the people must co-operate with them. The 
people need these men — and they in turn need 
the people. Cant you see why its absolutely 
necessary to have a big company in order to insure 
enough ice for everyone! Dealers cant go up 
north and cut and store ice each man for him- 
self! They simply buy when and where they 
can to take care of their own few customers — and 


62 


whats to become of the hundreds of thousands 
of people who would be without ice if it were 
not for the City Ice Delivery Co.? You see 
Mary, no matter how you look at it, if you just 
give it a little thought, you got to have a big 
company havent you? Well you’ve got one so 
why dont you get onto yourself and support it! 
Big cities get so crowded with people that the 
things required for their comfort and conven- 
ience, and their health must be handled by large 
concerns — just as the city itself is handled by an 
organization ! Supposing the city didnt take 
charge of the sewering for us! Supposing we 
had a thousand Mayors, or a thousand heads to 
every department, where would we be at ! Maybe 
it would be all right for to hire some fellow with 
a shovel to go out in the back yard and dig a 
sewer for each man, and dig a well alongside 
so’s the family could poison themselves with it 
instead of being as lucky as the folks are today 
that have Distillata to keep them healthy ! 
You see Mary, ice may be a luxury to sonje — but 
its a necessity to more — how about the little 
babies that will die because their milk has been 
spoiled for lack of ice ! How about the sick 
people who will suffer and die for the want of ice 
to reduce their fever, or to fill the ice bags the 
doctor prescribed for them ! Who’s going to fur- 


63 


nish this necessity that means the very life of so 
many! Folks dont mean to be selfish nor hard- 
hearted Mary its just that they never thought 
what a great necessity a big company is for the 
comfort of all the people! The company dont 
want no sympathy from nobody, all they want is 
a square deal — ^they aint giving nothing away — 
nor they aint taking nothing for nothing neither ! 
Our company has been built up by men, some of 
whom have been in the ice business for thirty 
years and more, so if you really have any sym- 
pathy lying round that you feel charitable bout, 
why dont you give it where it belongs ! These 
men have made it possible for you to have ice 
when and where you want it, and at a reasonable 
price — then we have girls, ninety of them clerks 
— we have young men collectors, and the older 
ones advancing to positions of responsibility; 
don^t these people deserve any consideration ! 
Our men ask only to be allowed to serve you — 
they are not seeking to become your social equal 
— yet you imagine your sympathy should go to 
one who, when he becomes a merchant, places 
himself upon an equal basis with you ! Now Fm 
going to take that '‘rich” thing out of your 
head, you thought that every dollar you paid for 
ice, some rich guy grabbed it and ran off to have 
a swell time with it! Do you know how much 


64 


this '^wealthy” guy has left for himself out 
of your dollar after he pays for all the things 
I told you about? Six Cents! Count them 
Mary! Gee! Aint it just something awful the 
way them big greedy guys are robbing the dear 
''Pee pur'! They should ought to be put in 
jail, dont you think! Tm not kidding bout them 
six cents neither, thems facts, and you can bet 
my eyes was opened when I had it proven to me 
too ! Here goes that Dollar of yours on 
its way to that Greedy Concern — so keep 
your eye on it ! First we have to take out forty- 
dve cents for labor (cause they pay everybody 
that works for them) then we take out eight cents 
for maintaining the horses (and we take good 
care of them too) then we take out six cents for 
wagons (and the wagon maker tells us that out 
of each dollar we pay him, he has to give half 
of it to his men for labor) then we have seven 
cents for fuel, then two cents for freight, then 
seven cents for machinery and repairs, then four 
cents for insurance, taxes and rent, two cents for 
production materials, nine cents for depreciation 
and general expense, and four cents for advertis- 
ing and Charity! (for this company really has 
a heart) — and every single one of them 
six cents thats left goes to them big Greedy 
Guys! And they don*t do nothing to earn them 
neither — that is — well, all they ever did was to 
devote all their time and brains and energy, and 


65 


furnish all the money to finance and build up this 
great organization ! Thats going a long ways for 
the eggs ! Gee ! If we all had to go that far to 
make one of our dollars earn Six Cents we 
wouldn’t have enough ice nor anything else I 
guess, so I’m strong for the men who take all the 
risks and tend to the big things for me. Now 
about that labor thing Mary. If we whittled this 
right down to the end we’d find that all the 
money folks pay for ice goes for labor, cause 
there aint nothing in this world with value but 
what labor didn’t create that value! Look at the 
diamonds — look at the coal and iron ore in the 
mines — the timber in the forests — what actual 
value is there to mankind till labor digs or brings 
them out! So you see Mary mine, this is a big 
age and we got to encourage the men who are 
doing the big things, and caring for the big prob- 
lems for us ! Specialisation and co-operation are 
the things required for to insure the comfort and 
happiness of all the people! Gee! You should 
have seen how I swelled up when Solomon 
boosted you to me ! I’m just getting plumb crazy 
bout you honey, and do you know what I wish 
right now I Wish I was Twins, so*s I could 
leave one of me home with you all the time, an 
let the other one of me go to work ! I’ll have a 
whole lot of things to tell you tonight! Well be 
good honey! 

Yours stronger’n ever, 

^‘SuPT.” Dan. 




I 




f 

i 


% 




/ 




V 


^ .. 




I 


A ♦ 




✓ 




‘S' 






7 > ^ 




{ . 

■ ' j • 


k > 


< t 


\i 


t< :• 


.>■ * . 


v: 


»•» 


i\ 








I . 
' » 

\ 


\ 


\ N - 


'. t ' lV ''' ' 

tv . 


' • *• 


V ' * i ;.: < 


I 

.. V ' 














. t . ',; 


). . 


j • > 






. k 

"■; 


< • ', 


J. 


Of ’ 


: ^ 
t 


‘Wy 


A. 

' <' 


• . 




A. '.• 


'■ .. --'V^ 




. w 

.1 
C. ■ 


s . • • 


' » 


A . 


i .. 

'u 


• V.r. 


•• : 


-V»' 


1 ' 


t . 








•4^ 




’V 


V j 


•--y 


'• ^ y'; 




\'}i1 > 

■ •'* • ■' 






% ^ 


V . 


• It 


', • -Mi 


i*‘;>irv i 






'., •v.’tV :, i - ' . ■ •' 




:; ■ - ' ■: 'liv, . ■ 

' 5 N'**’ *• “<Sfc •••.<' i_ ^ 

Vi ■-• ■ - O ' •■/ . '■ 'V ■ ■ •• './ .■•. ••■. • • 


■' .'7' ''■ 


,., ,/ ^7' t i 

•■■ ■' . ■■>.-'•' .-.s • 

. . '., • V .' .; . * • ■ • ^ 

V ^A 4 f . I A' .\. i' 

^ \V. ^ ■ ‘ i .1 

f a/'.'-'' • i i ■' 5 ' * 


■’ V . if :/. 





;■ 

'V, *-7 • •.,..- •• >% ..• t r 


. .^'v* •/--;, • , ,V".' . .'r^ '/AV^V :> - ,’", . ,-/ . ',,< . /■/ 


- -• '•' ■■ - ''1 /^• 


■ ♦' ;-•' . I ■ ■-,'. * ■ *. • - v / • V .- 

•1 '. 'f •, ! .. .g*. . I \ 



‘iA'J :.•,:■■, ■‘^77' < 7 ;., :.;i'v777 ■■ 7 7^7' ,,,y,. "',iV''ife .:7,„,77 ■; ;,77 V- !■ '^.. 7;^ ■■,■. -': ■' 

/ /'■" '■ ■ ,:■ ;■ : 17. - - :. ; 7 :- 7'“ o. 7 '■■■■:''7 yt ^ ^ ’vv - v^vy ■; 


1 1 


, . •* V f * . ‘ 

■ i'w .ini'V-y 

-. V • ^ rf- ",' ' 


yWl 


i*. 'I # ' /- ’ ' • . : .|. ,i i ‘ ‘ - .%: ' 

'i' '■> ^ > • * ■ % '•''f' M ;• 

■ .'V' , ,,, i y -Wv,- ,..' .;":7 ; 

‘.'■■ 77 ...: -> ■ ’■■ 7w ■-, ^"!" -. - ■ 


' r, 




' ' - ' ' ■ ‘ ■' ’'''fi '.'v' t. ■',■'■ -Jhify ;'!',t ' "■•'.,■ , ^-"-V'.' ■'. 

- 7 . ■.'»'■■*;■ '.Vv' V . . v'7 y •■•■yA-i*«'V,. • ' 

-T ;':r 


,). ' 


1- 


7 .‘.y;’-'-'.. 


*' I 


I > ' 


• » « 
r 


ivf \ ' '' 7 ;-.: '■' 77 '; 7 f ■■- ■ : y 

yy. ■;■ ryy, -^yyyvy:myty '^'^ry:^m:yy:. -yy •■ 

' . . ' * . ^ . '/wT ‘ . •<* ' J ■ ' * '^'-.'V m^r~ .•■ - *t . i . k . • 








A'' . 








*' "*',’ , •'- * ''' f ' 

■ i >*t •'' / 'l. !• *," ■ <\f , fC. 

i^.r* i % > ‘ 

'y. />yi ' ^. ' ' f« . . , > fj . *» • jh 


. I ' , 'll* I ' ‘ < < . • • < f *. r* 4. . 1 ' ■ . . . v> 

. ■ ■ -.v., ^"■•■‘(a:!'’ .'V' , ' l‘ ■>. > . :• " 

.■,'■•■ . v-'A'rV ' ■^'.' ‘- ■' • ■'■s ..'■ •:■, •• ! .■,. 

A-h--' 'V- ■' ' ' ^V.' V'' V ■' . ••> •"• 




V ax:-. 'X/* • . a' -.i:, 


' 1 . 1 .'«•*' I 

- Vv 


• 1 ^ •. <• • . I >fv* ./ 






j 1 . », 

■■'• ::',r 


. •". ■ -v 


aV’fi 




m ■ 

i 


,s/v '•■ ' ■ ' ' r ^*r '?:■ »•'-*!' . ‘ 

• .-•''Jy f ^ .-i%" V\ . -ff .'•*••.<,* ' A'V ■•y'V'*! ' ‘V, . t ' -T 


, V 

Zi 


V.' •• iv*. . . 

. .« • 


f' 


yb ' yy 





• » 




' '. ■» 

, . r* ' 


•n ' W 


' 1 ■ ,^* ’••.'v* 

4- 


■' 


f:"' 




'■Aby ■ 


'* *> 


■ .'y 

'<y ..r. 


’ ..< *4 * ■ '. 'r 
' ■ 


'yfy 




u^t 




■ « 


■'• ,'• V-. ■•VflV'' "l••*-•■ ■■ '•■'■■•■; . '.'• ■ ..- ■:■•: . .v,v'' 

s ^.‘'v-':s ,;iv' s'-s-iiv '■- ‘Ai;;v: 'i'ly -' ■■ 


V ' 


,v- 


/r*’. 


••■. • :(■:■•■ . 

♦ • I ♦ s 


‘ .t' 


rj 

IW 

v< 


• 

% 




■■/: 'y *•' ^ Vivf.i- . ‘r 

I. I ^ • ■ . ' . •' .• /. 


/. 


I. I ^ 

' i 




) ' I ''w • 


‘ .', y.J,' . . ’V , 


i. •- ► 

'V 


'■■'■- 'li;':- V,- Tr-v..-'. \ ■: ^ ■■\'-;^yr’yy:yyy' 




.,'V » 


y-^':y:yi ^yy-yyyjmy'.iyiy ysiyyyyy ' w: 
: ■ :y;v, y. ' a' • 'y'yy.:^'^yyyyyyyy r' ' ' 


r * 1 * '*. . • * - / . . ■ '• ' "^-y- 

'. ' •., • " ■ V. ‘c I * ' ' > '■ 

- / vv* lA'- . ' • ' V 0 ' jj '• ' ''•• ) •.' ’ 


rt'-' 


..V 

^-* » ' I 


»>. 


'i • •. ■ • ‘ ' '• • 

. •...vv'';sV. 


"' ‘^■yiy>'^-yyrk'’y'y'yK ■ ' y 

y- ■■■■■■■ ■ y'- ‘ 






* 1 : 


. :'P«- U . 
'• - 1 • • ^ > 


y 


- V • .;'r , ' 




k \ ' ••’^1 ' ' ' 

I , • f . ^1 ’ W I » 

\y> '• ' •' * 

. /..‘'i -•• .> ■ *h'V’ *,'. 

■ ’ ■ • 

r',. ■•■ .r- . ■' . , 


'' . '.t * 

w 

•i 

. t - 


“ « L. ' 


< • * 'b •• **. ' 


•. . . • 


•V 


: 

/ • I 


:a 


' i-k ' 1 

' , I . 

' iv^ 


- '^v ' V^"'- 

':::■■. ' 4 ^’: 


*• . ‘ ■ , ' ' j I f' " 


' ''■■ ' .. 


i 




•"S'.' -- • -V ‘'.-'.C-' ■ 4'SLr'::>^s' • 

••■ -■ ■ ■,'■■■' '■ . y ..• V',.' ■ 


V' 


i* 

i 


\ . 

I 


.s:. 




•V .'. 

t 

■ .•». 






• J's 'fV.': *, 

*^, u . ' 


'■;* ' ,.-V‘-','v. -'4. . 


'Ay.'Jyy- ■■' -'S'^ 


. i 


S' 


-A: '.; ■* *. 

-• ... V 


V*‘ 


f 

\ -i 


^ < 


*v'k. 


i \ -r ' 


; '.:<■•■■■ 




i.'. 




yiif’'b9. 


'■*■(? 'k '•. • ^ I .P‘1' ■ * • • ' 

'V* i-iV? » 'X, 

' ■' ■yyyyyy'i^.''^' 

'■‘" ■-./■■• Mid: 




V • . t 

■'■’Vvi-'' ■ -',- ■■' •■■' ' ' I" . '>V 

:'\y ■• .'• ' •-■V---.. ■- r ' ■"'■'■ '■' " ■'■ • ' ' 

■ ' s'. ■ -V.. • ■■ ■ ' ‘ ■ . : ■■ 'J: ■ 

■.. . -i .’ / ' ' ' ' ■■ • ' 


V* ' I v* . ^ */ * • ' 

' f. ■_ < 


>' 'V k 


■‘C 


v.’ 




\ • 


' ’; ■:A^..y-y .?. ■ -• ' .y-y . 


';V'. VI A? . : s ■ % 

■■A::-'*: ■■'-■■ - 


■ -A .; 




' . • <1 . • • ... .k I .* V • ...v-.N 


■■■ -. ^ .y-M -- 


. >;' . 


». j . 1 


p' 


-v ' ywMby:yyy 'yyy-^':'myyy..ywyy:ymy 

'■MMi^yyMbiyyfyiy y- y yyyy yyyMMyy^ Mi 


f,. 


f? 


\f \ 




^■1 


> .sK.y- .':;'vy;'_;..y 

' ■\i-y-0':iyyy yy-^*yy--:. yM 

:y.: 


•' f . 

• > . 


/y 


‘r 


> ' 'it' y ■ . . . v 

yS<^. 

r'. k’ '• "•• '. ^ ^. ' * ' ' '!• 

,.vV** ■ ' y ■ '• . i I*! 


■" '^yyyyy yy- yyyAy 

myyik yyks. ^ yy:y ■■ s : 


LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 





